»I love you, mom.« she said.
I said thank you. Then I asked her what it means to love someone. »I don’t know« responded my four year old. And then … and then came the hardest part. I had to explain what it means.
We talk about love on a daily bass, yet it is so untangible isn’t it? Anyway, I proceeded to try.
To love someone is to think about them often, to feel warm right in here (points to heart area) when you think about them. It means that you would do anything for them, added Klemen. It is to want good things to happen to them, for them to be safe, happy and healthy.
That about covers it, right?
When I fell in love with Klemen I actually did not know what I felt. I just felt happy all the time … and I felt secure. I felt sure that we have each other in our minds. We will not let go so easily. It was amazing, it was unprecedented and it was scary as hell. The moment you let someone so deep inside your life, you know what it would mean to lose them. And I did not want to lose him.
I did not want to lose him – ever. And I am sure we sometimes came close to losing each other.
After the crazy infatuation that comes with ‘falling in love’, came comfort, familiarity. I noticed that he no longer occupied my mind 24/7. I was young and very inexperienced and I thought that this was terribly wrong, I no longer had my love under control. It took me some time to realize that loving someone also means that you sometimes don’t love them, you can’t possibly feel it all of the time. Sometimes you envy them, sometimes you despise them, sometimes you just can’t handle them. And that is perfectly okay because you will love them again tomorrow – or the next minute. I have come to realise that life is a palette of emotions and that is what it makes it so extraordinary. It has so many colours.
Falling in love is something that happens to us, but loving someone is a choice. That is what I would really like my daughter to know. There is no natural order in love: a son is not obliged to love his mother and alas, a mother is not obliged to love her child. We choose it, we commit to it and it is damn well worth it.
In the wake of our upcoming nuptials, I think of our love often. How it has changed, but never diminished. Our children have added to it and our hearts have grown in ways we never imagined. I still choose to love him and truly believe that he is one of the most amazing things that has ever happened to me. He gave – and continues to give me so much. He is my breakthrough, he is my life’s turning point. This is something he doesn’t like to hear, understandably, deep down it is a terrible responsibility – to be loved and needed so truly.
Im am grateful to have my family. My family, sometimes I still can’t believe it.
We have created magnificent people and for that I am eternally grateful.
And I will keep choosing him,choosing us … and hope that this choice will be mine to take for many years to come.
(Photo by Eliza, our favorite photographer)
the new zablogar 